So, here I am. Rebuilding my life at 47. I'm doing pretty well so far, but have to admit, sometimes I really miss having a long-term partner in crime.
It is a wild ride, this midlife dating caper
We were together for about 12 years, my ex and I. And while I've gotten over him, I'm not ashamed to admit that I miss that sense of closeness with a long-term companion.
I'm sure you get my meaning. It's that sense of shared intimacy that most people crave, in the form of: uplifting daily conversations; hugs and forehead kisses when life isn't quite going right; a ready sidekick for a misgotten adventure; building Sunday morning blanket forts; a conversation/joke shared in a single, knowing look across a room; that us-against-the-world vibe; and that most favourite, playing the mythical-beast-with-two-backs game.
Tonight, in the name of research on your behalf, dear reader, I'll be signing up to Tinder, Plenty of Fish and Bumble (I gave the first two the boot about 12 months ago ... rendered speechless by a veritable tsunami of unsolicited penis photos). Pphhhfffft, what a bunch of knobs!
I moved instead to eHarmony, where there seems to be a much greater level of respect. But for whatever reason - perhaps because paid subscribers are accountable for their behaviour and investment - things seem to move at a glacial pace, with much less interaction.
New player Bumble has been getting a lot of hype lately for providing a space that does not tolerate poor behaviour, specially any harrassment or abuse (sexually explicit, or otherwise). It claims to do this by giving the woman the power to initiate any and all interactions - while acting quickly to remove repeat offenders of its code of conduct.
For me, Bumble's appeal definitely lies in its potential to be less of a slug-fest (pun intended!). So I'm going to give that a whirl, too!
It's a funny thing, this dating game. It's an interest that ebbs and flows depending on my workload and experiences in my most previous romantic adventure.
This past 10 months has been very much hands off any dating apps or sites. I am subscribed to eHarmony, like I said, but rarely go online.
I started the year dating a super-sweet, kind and gorgeous fellow, let's call him Mr B. And while we had good fun and he was easy company, there was something major missing, that spark and/or intellectual connection! Try as I might, and I did, it just wasn''t there and the fairest thing to do seemed to end it.
Before that, about six months prior, was Mr G. We spent many hours talking and laughing late at night on the phone. And quite a few watching the sun come up together, nursing sore heads from too much wine. Trust me, the spark - and plenty of heat - were there in the background. But unbeknown to me, so was his girlfriend of three years, whom he'd conveniently forgotten to mention.
Needless to say, Mr G's services were terminated immediately!
So as I get fired up ready to put myself on at least three more dating platforms tonight, here's some of my personal observations on how to build a profile that grabs attention for the right reasons:
Please do make an effort to describe yourself and the type of person you are looking for. At the very least, this signals your intention to put some effort into the real thing.
Please do include a photo with your profile. To me, a blank space signals a man with something to hide (married father of four?).
Also, please put some thought into the kind of photo you post. I don't find pics of men flipping the bird at the camera very sexy, nor do I fancy playing "Where's Wally" by guessing who you are in that group shot. Same goes for those photos with your ex cut out, as well as one posing with any exotic captive animal in a developing country (Thailand's drugged tigers and thirsty streetside loris's spring to mind). Oh, and half-naked mirror/bed/bathroom shots aren't very sexy, either!
Above all, be honest about who you are, what you want and, if you have to, let that someone down with respect.
Anyway, these are just my personal thoughts. I'll share more as this journey progresses. But in the meantime, if you have any tips or advice for me, or cautionary/good news tales of your own to share, I'd love to hear about them. You can email me, The Midlife Single, here.