Have you ever started something without knowing where it is taking you? Well, that is exactly what I am doing now. I know that I have something to say, I know it will take time to say, but I am not exactly sure what it is or how long it will take. I hope you will bear with me. Moreover, I hope you get a return on the time you are investing here today.
The first time I met the voice in my head
About James
I have lived a lot of years and the more years I have lived, the fewer answers i have found. I hope that by engaging here we can discover some answers together.
I met him when I was about 7 years of age.
He is a little younger than me, but according to him, much wiser. He has a very similar education to me, but apparently knows a great deal more. I think I have a good moral code, but apparently his is better. While I have developed some well-regarded expertise, few are regarded so by him. I have developed a pride in my ability to think with clarity and objectivity, but apparently, he trumps me on both counts. He is a very critical, demanding, sometimes contrarian and often negative person.
I say ‘him’ and ‘he’, but the truth is, my friend, at best, is androgynous. There are those who would suggest that ‘he’ is actually a ‘she’. I say ‘friend’, but that may be a stretch, depending on how you define ‘friend’ and your notion of friendship. Very often, he or she is more akin to a nemesis. Acquaintance implies too transitory a relationship. Our relationship is more enduring than that.
I also use the term ‘person’ with some trepidation, given that some may question that description, also. Some may even be cruel enough to call him ‘my imaginary friend’, although I have already questioned the merits of the word ‘friend’ and he or she, is anything but imaginary. He or she is very real. That said, others cannot see or hear him or her, although they often sense his or her handiwork.
Confused? Have I lost your attention yet? I hope not.
It is at about the age of seven that most human beings find discover a ‘friend’, with characteristics not dissimilar to mine, while at the same time unique to them. This ’friend’ is that voice in their head that stays with them for the rest of their lives – the ‘second’ you who sits back and oversees, reviews and judges just about everything you do.
No, I am not talking about your conscience, although conscience can be a big part of ‘his’ activity. I am not talking about your alter ego, although that ‘he’ may well be at times. I am not talking about your inner child, although, ‘he’ will be childish in his analysis at times, and i am certainly not talking about you in a past life, or a second personality, even though ‘he’ may have one.
By the way, if you have voices in your head from a past life or a second personality, you may like to seek psychiatric help. I did, and I can assure you it can help.
This ‘person’ stands in judgment on many of the things you do. This ‘person’ suggests the ‘zig’ when you want to ‘zag’. This ‘person’ tells you your conclusions are wrong, when the evidence suggests you are right. This ‘person’ ignores your years of experience and questions your judgment without reservation. This ‘person’ has little compassion for you, but insists that you show more compassion for others. This ‘person’ says you are kidding yourself, just as your confidence brings you to the point of action. This ’person’ tries to constrain your behaviour when you are ready to take a risk.
This ‘person’ is you, or at least part of you. Or is he’?
Some psychologists have suggested that this voice in your head is inspired by your mother. Some say that it is your mother hanging on into adulthood and continuing to ‘look after you’ and make those judgments that are in your ‘best interests’. While a part of you, this ’voice’ is not all you. It comprises more than the essential you, and you are more than it, much more.
One thing this ’voice’ is not, is imaginary! It is very real, and it alive and well, in the heads of most human beings. Students of human behaviour may pretend that they understand it, and some understand it better than others. But among we mere mortals, it is not at all well understood. Its impact on our behaviour and our lives are even less well understood.
Over the next few weeks, I want to explore my relationship with this ‘voice’, this androgynous ‘being’ that has been following me around for 53 years.
Let’s call ‘him’ Jim!
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