Many self-improvement book talk about the importance of being true to yourself. I agree, I think it is very important.

I have previously written about how I will only ever achieve happiness if I know and live by my values. I listed five values, each one of which is central to who and am and who I want to be. Living by these values is, in effect, being true to myself.

There is no value I hold dearer than absolute honesty.

Read more: A truly valuable lesson from my 60 years

Without absolute honestly, nothing works as as well as it could. Without absolute honesty, no one really knows where they stand. Without absolute honesty, the best decisions cannot be made. Without absolute honesty, we are all living a lie ... and if we live a lie, we will always struggle to find the best in ourselves.

You will note that there are two words in this value: the noun, honesty; and the adjective, absolute. This reflects an erroneous view that there are degrees of honesty. Despite the fact that we are either honest or dishonest, and the word ‘absolute’ is superfluous to requirements, human beings tend to view honesty as having a qualitative dimension.

We consider people reasonably honest. We distinguish between white lies and other kinds of lies. We talk of core and non-core promises and accept a lack of honesty in relation to non-core promises. We talk about someone being as ‘honest as they come’, generally still meaning that they are not absolutely honest.

Just as there are no degrees of uniqueness (you cannot be a little unique), there are also no degrees of honesty (you cannot be a little honest). You are either unique, or not. You are either honest, or dishonest.

In this context, the word ‘absolutely’ is superfluous, but I have embraced it nonetheless. I have embraced it because I do not want to countenance degrees of honesty. I want to make it clear to myself that no dishonesty is acceptable and my target is unequivocal honesty with no exceptions.

As you might expect, I have failed to be absolutely honest all of the time. I have told lies so as not to offend. I have told lies so as not to embarrass. I have told lies so as to put myself in a better light. I have told lies to avoid conflict. And in all cases, I now know I had a choice and I made the wrong wrong.

It is hard and I have come to appreciate that for me, absolute honesty is very much an aspirational value. I believe in it. I think it is important. I am working at it. But I am not there yet. I have made real progress and lie less every day, but I am not there yet.

I have come to realise that most values worth living by are aspirational, because if they are worth living by, they are hard and require work. They require us to pause, take stock, consider the alternatives and then choose the right one 100 percent of the time. They certainly require that we never, and I mean never, excuse ourselves by uttering a platitude such as ‘I am only human’.

The minute you use the words ‘I am only human’ to excuse yourself, is the minute you stop living a values-driven life, and the quest for happiness resulting from that.

Every day I try to work on my honesty. Every day, I try to be 100 percent honest, 100 percent of the time. I will continue this quest for as long as I live.

What about you? What do you think?

Research suggests that in a 10-minute conversation, 60 percent of adults will lie at least once. A male tells an average 15 lies on a first date, most to make himself look better, while a woman will tell an average of 10, generally aimed at making her family look better.

Is this acceptable?

When you receive a presentation from a sales person, you expect to hear exaggeration. We all exaggerate often, if only to make a point. But exaggeration is lying – nothing more or less. To tolerate exaggeration and suggest it is not lying is to suggest that there are degrees of honesty, which there are not.

Is exaggeration acceptable?

When you are asked by a friend how they look and you say great, when great’or even OK is a lie, who are you helping? Are you helping them by not upsetting them, or are you helping yourself by avoiding conflict and getting out of the house faster? If instead, you explained to them how they might improve their appearance, would they not benefit in the longer term?

Do you lie like this and then excuse yourself?