I have been writing about the five values that I hold most dear and have worked the hardest to live by - you may have seen my first two posts here. They were about absolute honesty and profound compassion.
I'm absolutely, totally committed .... sort of!
About DJC
The older I get, the less I know and the more inquisitive I get.
Unfortunately, despite a lifelong search, most of the answers elude me. That said, I love to ask the questions and fuel the debates that will ultimately lead us all to a better understanding of the big issues in life, the universe and everything.
They say that we spend 98% of our lives in our head. I for one would like to use that time as effectively as possible.
I have work to do on both, not in terms of establishing their importance, but in living up to the expectations that they create.
This time I want to talk about my third value, total commitment, and again, I must confess I have work to do. But let's start by establishing exactly what I mean by total commitment.
Read more from DJC: Is there anything more important than compassion?
I value loyalty and in formulating this value, I was certainly recognising how highly I value it. I have an expectation that I will always give people the loyalty they deserve. But commitment is more than loyalty. In my case, it includes throwing myself completely into everything I do and, as a result, giving it my best shot.
By nature I am loyal and committed - and struggle to do anything by halves.
But once again, the noun (commitment) is preceded by an adjective (total). It is not enough to be reasonably or even highly loyal. I expect myself to be 100 percent loyal.
In terms of commitment, I want myself to give everything I do, everything I have got.
Here, for me, is where there is work to be done.
In my 60 years, I've demonstrated a very high level of loyalty to my friends and colleagues, with one exception. Remaining faithful to a partner has always been a struggle and I have often strayed, later regretting it - because straying is disloyal and inconsistent with my values. I am not really sure why I strayed so often, but I am determined to improve.
I am very loyal to my friends and have a track record of just that. In terms of fidelity, there is work to be done.
One of my major failings through life has been a lack of focus. I find it difficult to concentrate on one thing at a time and have a tendency to have any number of balls in the air. This habit is entirely contrary to the principles of effective commitment. Someone who is truly committed recognises their limitations and focuses to get the best possible return on the available resources, meaning time, energy and money.
I certainly put the effort in and will work as many hours as it takes, but I understand that to be truly committed, I need to focus.
There is also an important issue here for all of us in relation to our limited resources. It's prioritisation. To focus resources optimally and commit to the level we should - with limited time, energy and money - it is essential to know what is important, what is imperative, what is actually critical and what just seems critical at the time.
There were times in my life when I was very good at this and times when I was not. I was well off the mark when I put so many things ahead of family when I was younger. I was wrong when I put business ahead of love. The personal things in life require as much commitment as the professional. We all need to know what is more important for us in each period of our life.
I was always committed, just not always to the most important things.
This is not an attempt at self-flagellation. Nor is it a crude attempt to seek forgiveness through confession. It is nothing more than a demonstration of the fact that values are very often aspirational, and that recognising one’s failings is the first step toward addressing them. It is also a recognition of the fact that for me, life is a journey and values are a critical destination.
I am not there yet in terms of total commitment, but I am working at it, hopefully getting better every day.
I would also add that total commitment is one value that ‘being human’ will never excuse me from living by. There should be no excuse for a lack of loyalty or commitment.
I will work harder!
What are your values? What are you struggling with?
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