YspeopleExplore tab

Ysepicure

Holding on loosely benefits everyone


About Leanne | crestingthehill

Hi I'm Leanne, medical receptionist by day and blogger by night. I blog at Cresting the Hill - where I write about how much I’m enjoying Midlife and the empty nest. To quote Maya Angelou: “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.”


Are you drowning others because you feel insecure and left behind? Here's what to do.

HOLDING ON AND LETTING GO

Let's learn to hold on loosely.

Let's learn to hold on loosely

We read so much about the benefits of not holding on to things, about opening up and letting them go. But sometimes I wonder if there isn't somewhere in the middle, somewhere that we don't clutch too tightly, yet also don't give up completely and give it all away.

Wouldn't it be nice to find that balance? To be able to have people and things in our life that we are in touch with, but not owned by? To be able to hold things that are precious, but not possess them or try to control them? To be able to appreciate connection without having to own everything?

HOLDING ON TOO TIGHTLY

We can hold on too tightly to our spouse, our adult children and our friends. But the more we grab on, the more the other person fights to be free. We fight the loss of relationship by striving to grab it and clutch it to us, but all that does is tie the other person to us with commitments and obligations that aren't necessarily their choice.

Read more from Leanne LeCras: The midlife marriage fairytale

If someone doesn't naturally want to be in your life, you can't force the issue. You can't demand or insist they meet you on your terms. Expecting too much from another person can be the death knell of a relationship. Nobody wants to be forced into interactions that are more than they can handle.

DESPERATION

When we get lonely or we feel insecure, when we feel left out or left behind, when we feel superfluous, we tend to tighten our grip. We feel like we need to grab on and not let go because we're drowning. The trouble is (as all lifesavers know) when we grab on too tightly, we will also drown the person we're clinging to.

What do we do when we feel that urge to hold on tight? The answer we're given is to let go -- to open our hands and let the person or situation go free. We're supposed to relinquish any ownership, wish them well and let them move on.

LETTING GO

The trouble with letting go is that it feels like the all-or-nothing approach. It feels so final to turn our backs on someone, or to completely give up. It quite often seems like the only choice -- especially when our adult children are stretching their wings and pushing us aside. They don't want us holding them back, all they seem to want is their freedom with no commitments or obligations. But that is so tough when you're the parent, isn't it?

What if there was something in between? What if we could loosen our death grip on our kids, our partners and our friends? What if we could loosen our hold, but not let go completely? What if we maintained connection, but didn't suffocate others in the process?

HOLDING ON LOOSELY

Maybe it's not about letting go completely, but of holding on more loosely. Holding on tightly is about insecurity and an inability to see ourselves autonomously. When we take the risk of opening up our grip and trusting ourselves to be strong and independent, it frees the other person to be able to maintain contact without the risk of being dragged under.

We need to find out who we are in our own right and share that with those who want to be part of it. It's not about forcing a relationship with those who don't want it -- let them go and wish them well.

It's about finding a balance in our relationships with those who are close to us. Having friendships that are healthy and not used to prop ourselves up. Having a marriage that is about two people bringing out the best in each other -- not becoming co-dependent, needy and draining. It's about letting our kids go, but maintaining a small place in their new world.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Are you holding on too tightly? Are you drowning others because you feel insecure and left behind?

Or are you releasing your grip and keeping a healthy balance in your relationships? It's a tricky balance to find sometimes, but worth it in the end.

Banner 2
| Your rating
No ratings yet


Related stories

Empty nesters, how did you celebrate winning your freedom back? Picture: Shutterstock.

Empty nesters, let's hear your stories

Alright all of you empty nesters, how did you celebrate your new-found freedom? Let's get a conversation started.

Community Property Relationships
Expand
6 days ago
(Love & Relationships)
Baby Joyce.

Marriage meltdown not Barnaby’s only failure

Our Deputy PM's moral protestations about our interest in his love life go directly to the character of the man.

Social Issues Relationships Australia Politics
Expand
10 days ago
(Love & Relationships)
Share your dating disaster stories with us.

Share your dating disaster stories here

We've all got them ... those hilarious disaster stories from our forays into the dating world. We'd love to hear yours.

Relationships Dating
Expand
12 days ago
(Love & Relationships)
Baby Boomer men are having more unsafe sex than their younger counterparts.

Why are many older men so stupid about sex?

Baby Boomers are much more likely to have unprotected sex than younger men. A recent experience rammed home the stupidity of...

Health Relationships
Expand
19 days ago
(Love & Relationships)
Don't accept being invisible in retirement.

Why women feel invisible in retirement

 

Retired and feeling invisible? Lacking in self-confidence? Here's what to do about it.

Relationships Health Ageing
Expand
20 days ago
(Love & Relationships)
Parting ways with honour and dignity is something to aspire to.

Are you facing a relationship breakup?

These wise words may provide some strength and comfort during a painful time.

Relationships
Expand
25 days ago
(Love & Relationships)
My bees are busy creating beautiful honey.

Life lessons from the farm

It was at my rural retreat, far from the madding crowd, that I had an epiphany of sorts!

Community Philosophy Relationships
Expand
About 1 month ago
(Love & Relationships)
Marriage isn't always a fairytale (Image: Shutterstock).

The midlife marriage fairytale

Do we expect too much from our partners after decades of marriage?

Relationships Marriage Love
Expand
About 1 month ago
(Love & Relationships)
A Christmas indulgence!.

7 tips for transforming your next Christmas

So, just how stressed did you get this Christmas? Have you resolved to do it differently next time? If so, read on.

Planning Holidays Christmas
Expand
About 2 months ago
(Love & Relationships)
What is the choice you will make? .

Are you motivated by love or fear?

As individuals, we may have exhibited patterns of behaviour that reflect an underlying feeling of love or fear.

Science Mental Health Psychology Social Issues
Expand
About 2 months ago
(Love & Relationships)
Erzpqkrzorrfmcf3fqhh
Trending stories
The dingy alleyway that leads to 78 Records is full of bins and junkies.

What it's like to work in junkie alley

An alleyway that almost...

(Money & Business) 6 days ago
New CBA CEO Matt Comyn.

Why 'banker' should start with a W

It's our fault that the big...

(Money & Business) 4 days ago
Top Indonesian chef Chandra Yudasswara will be cooking up a secret storm for Taste Great Southern.

Celebrity chef set for a Secret Affair in Great Southern

Take one of Indonesia's top...

(Epicure) 30 days ago
When it comes to great bloggers you can connect with, this list has you covered.

20 mature bloggers worth following

Looking for Australian...

(Entertainment & Culture) 11 months ago
Gough Whitlam formally hands back land to the Gurindji people, pouring soil into the hands of elder Vince Lingiari.

Love or hate him, Gough changed your world

This is why Gough Whitlam...

(Nostalgia) 3 days ago
Weekly Poll
Haiku of the week
S3uahlevctkwncbinnde
Memory lane
F0po3xzuswlowlpvpu0d