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17 clever one-liners to lighten the mood

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About Justin

Sharing my thoughts and opinions with you

If you're ever chasing a good one-liner, just tell them one of these.

giggle at the cleverness of these one liners.

giggle at the cleverness of these one liners

  • I was going to tell a time-travelling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
  • My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
  • Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words in a sentence with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
  • I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
  • If America changed from pounds to kilograms overnight, would it create mass confusion?
  • Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
  • Shout out to the people wondering what the opposite of in is.
  • If your parachute doesn't deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
  • Who decided to call it "marijuana possession" and not "joint custody''?
  • I just made up a new word: plagiarism.
  • RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
  • The only time the word "incorrectly" isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.
  • My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath, but I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
  • I wonder if the guy who coined the term one-hit wonder came up with any other phrases.
  • Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.
  • I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
  • I once tried to date a tennis player, but love meant nothing to her.
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